{"id":464,"date":"2025-02-07T23:01:00","date_gmt":"2025-02-08T00:01:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.phithuongbatphu.com\/?p=464"},"modified":"2025-04-16T01:24:05","modified_gmt":"2025-04-16T01:24:05","slug":"i-wish-i-had-somebody-who-cared-about-me-what-its-like-to-be-truly-lonely","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.phithuongbatphu.com\/index.php\/2025\/02\/07\/i-wish-i-had-somebody-who-cared-about-me-what-its-like-to-be-truly-lonely\/","title":{"rendered":"\u2018I wish I had somebody who cared about me\u2019 \u2013 what it\u2019s like to be truly lonely"},"content":{"rendered":"
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When someone is feeling lonely, they can feel misunderstood and shut themselves off from their loved ones (Picture: Getty)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Maggie Ratcliffe carries around a small piece of paper in her handbag with instructions in case she has a stroke. With no family and few friends, she is worried that if she ends up in hospital, no one will be around to ensure her wishes are carried out. <\/p>\n

Maggie, 84, has lived alone<\/a> since the breakdown of her marriage<\/a> when she was 27. An only child, her mother died when she was six and her father when she was 18. She has no children and no family. <\/p>\n

\u2018I see things on television about people who haven\u2019t spoken to anyone for a week and I know what that\u2019s like,’ Maggie, from Sandhurst, tells Metro<\/strong>. <\/p>\n

‘Days will go by when I haven\u2019t spoken to anyone – apart from carers. It\u2019s difficult. I don\u2019t have anybody I can just go out and have a coffee<\/a> with. Everybody is so involved with family and friends and I don\u2019t get included. If I\u2019m not well, no one checks in on me.\u2019 <\/p>\n

Maggie, who used to work in cabin crew, has survived cancer<\/a>, two failed knee operations and has spine degeneration so is unable to walk more than a few yards. She manages to do a little gardening while sitting on a chair, and she used to volunteer<\/a>, but is no longer able due to her poor mobility. <\/p>\n

\u2018If it\u2019s a lovely day I often think how I would like to have someone to go to a garden centre with or something. But I can\u2019t do that. I can\u2019t even go for a day out on a coach with the garden club, as people are in pairs or couples. You end up sitting on your own. It\u2019s hard,’ she says. <\/p>\n

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‘Days will go by when I haven\u2019t spoken to anyone,’ says Maggie (Picture: Re-engage)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

The loneliness epidemic<\/h2>\n

While it may feel like society is more connected than ever with phones, the internet and social media – thousands like Maggie have wound up feeling more alone than ever.<\/p>\n

Such is the issue that the World Health Organisation branded loneliness a \u2018global health concern\u2019<\/a> in 2024. In the media, there have been tragic headlines about people whose deaths go unnoticed for months, even years, as a result of an increasingly disconnected society.  <\/p>\n

This was the case for Michael Roy Palmer, who cut off contact with his family and spent much of his later life as a recluse. <\/a>Overgrown hedges encased his home in Cornwall and many of his neighbours had no idea what he looked like. In September 2023, a man delivering leaflets glanced at a window and spotted Michael’s body lying on his living room floor. It later emerged he had been dead for months and no-one had noticed.\u00a0<\/p>\n

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Michael’s home was \u2018heavily overgrown\u2019 and police had to force entry through the front door<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

In another tragic case, 41-year-old Laura Winham\u2019s \u2018mummified and almost skeletal\u2019 remains were found at her flat in Woking, Surrey<\/a> three years after she died. Her body was found on May 24 2021 and a calendar found in the property had dates crossed off until 1 November 2017. She had cut contact with her loved ones after years of mental health struggles.<\/p>\n

Pensioners like Maggie are especially becoming increasingly isolated. New research from Age UK has found that 1.5 million older people now rarely leave their home.<\/p>\n

Staff on the charity\u2019s Silverline Helpline, a free telephone service, routinely hear heartbreaking tales, explains Ruth Lowe, head of loneliness services at Age UK.<\/p>\n

\u2018There have been times we can\u2019t carry out the whole call because the older person\u2019s voice begins to hurt due to the fact they haven\u2019t spoken in so long,’ Ruth tells Metro <\/strong>over Zoom. ‘We know that 270,000 older people go a week without speaking to a family member or a friend. Not having a connection with anyone meaningful is something quite hard for a lot of us to imagine.<\/p>\n

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Ruth\u00a0Lowe, head of\u00a0loneliness\u00a0services at\u00a0Age UK, says there are many ways we can all help to create connections with others (Picture: Age UK)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

\u2018We find that older people can often become trapped in a sort of chronic cycle where they feel lonely and their health becomes worse, so they become more isolated. Older people who are feeling this way might find it harder to take care of themselves and their home; they might even start to misuse drugs or alcohol. <\/p>\n

‘Loneliness can bring up such a lot of negative feelings and make people feel like there is no point to their existence, that nobody is interested in them or values them.\u2019<\/p>\n

‘I had cancer and my neighbours never came to see me’<\/h2>\n

Although Maggie goes for a ‘wonderful’ coffee and a chat at a church friendship group every Tuesday, the problem for her is that it’s miles away from her home. ‘If I don’t turn up, nobody will send me a text,’ she says.<\/p>\n

\u2018I wish people would think for a minute and look out for their elderly neighbours. I had cancer in 2011 and my neighbours never came in. When I was lying in bed with a knee replacement I didn\u2019t see anyone. I got so depressed, it was awful.<\/p>\n

\u2018I live in fear of having a stroke, and not being able to talk and nobody knows my wishes. I don\u2019t want to go into a home, but I have written a few down in a list in my handbag, so if someone from the hospital looks in there, they don\u2019t just put me anywhere. I have to think these things through because I have no-one else to do it for me.<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

\u2018I\u2019ve already organised a woodland burial. I don\u2019t want people coming to my funeral when they couldn\u2019t come and see me in real life. If people want to come and have a drink and think of me – fine. But I don\u2019t want them standing by my grave. <\/p>\n

I\u2019m not miserable, but I wish I had somebody who cared about me. I’m a tactile person, but I never get a hug,’ Maggie adds. <\/p>\n

Modern life and an isolated society<\/h2>\n

In the lead up to the 2024 general election, over 100 sector organisations, including Age UK, came together to call for the incoming government to tackle loneliness and build community.<\/p>\n

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Nearly a million older people in the UK are often lonely (Picture: Stock – Getty Images)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

The axing of public transport routes and closure of public toilets <\/a>[many older people need to use the bathroom more regularly] are among the cutbacks which have left people more and more anxious about leaving their home. Meanwhile modern technology has also left a void where human interactions used to be. Bank branches have vanished from our high streets, train ticket offices have closed in their droves and more traditional check-outs have been replaced with self service machines.<\/p>\n

\u2018The whole world is more set up now for us all to become more isolated,\u2019 warns Ruth. <\/p>\n

\u2018We\u2019ve recently published a report on loneliness <\/a>where we are calling for change from government, private, public health and social care sectors to take a joined up approach to loneliness. As individuals we can all also play our part in making our communities more friendly for older people. Look out for older friends, relatives and neighbours and consider making a phone call, sending a letter or suggesting a cup of tea.\u2019<\/p>\n

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\n\t\t\t\tHow loneliness can impact physical health\t\t\t<\/h2>\n
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Loneliness is linked with an acceleration of frailty and increased risk of physical and mental illness, including:<\/p>\n

29% increase in risk of incident coronary heart disease,<\/p>\n

32% increase in risk of stroke<\/p>\n

25% increased risk of dementia<\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n

Ruth joined Age UK 13 years ago as a volunteer befriender. Since then, she has seen conversations about mental health and loneliness improve, but says there\u2019s still a stigma which needs to be broken down.<\/p>\n

\u2018I think a lot of people don’t want to think about it [loneliness] as it\u2019s hard to imagine ourselves in that situation,\u2019 she continues. \u2018We want to change how we age and we want to make things better for everyone in later life. Loneliness is a perfectly natural human emotion, we\u2019ve all experienced it at some time in our life, there\u2019s no need to be embarrassed or ashamed about it. If we\u2019re happy to talk about it, we can reduce the stigma. <\/p>\n

\u2018When elderly people join our telephone friendship service<\/a>, we ask about their hobbies and interests to match them with a volunteer. We\u2019ve had older people in tears on these calls in the past as they just can\u2019t believe that someone is interested in them and wants to hear about them. And sometimes, a short call can be enough to get them back on their feet.’<\/p>\n

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Age UK works to combat loneliness through influencing, campaigning and service provision (Picture: Getty Images)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Maggie eventually found a lifeline in Glenda, a call companion volunteer from charity Reengage, who, for more than two years, has been calling once a week to chat. <\/p>\n

\u2019It\u2019s wonderful. I love speaking to her. We discuss just about everything – her family, music, art. There\u2019s nothing we don\u2019t talk about,’ she explains.\u202f’The calls with her are very important to me. I always look forward to them.\u2019 <\/p>\n

Jenny Willott, CEO of Re-engage tells Metro that the charity supports thousands of older people every year. ‘We know just how devastating loneliness can be for them. Some may go weeks without talking to or seeing anyone which leaves many feeling they have been abandoned by a society that has no interest in them. <\/p>\n

Our call befriending services, free tea parties and activity groups all provide a crucial lifeline to the outside world for these older people and it\u2019s astonishing to see just how much even a short period of social contact improves their mental and physical wellbeing.\u2019 <\/p>\n

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\n\t\t\t\t'Gen Z must be the Radio Silent Generation\u2019\t\t\t<\/h2>\n
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In April 2024, The Belonging Forum polled 10,000 Brits<\/a> from across demographics, finding young women aged 18 to 24, renters and those living with disabilities were least likely to report a strong support network, unrooting the traditional perception that isolation is an old-person\u2019s problem.  Simple things such as going to the cinema, the pub or the shops are no longer taken for granted due to the cost of living crisis. And often, digital connections just don\u2019t suffice.<\/p>\n

Sionna Hurley-O\u2019Kelly previously wrote for Metro<\/a> about her experience of loneliness, explaining: \u2018My generation is notorious for the habit of \u201cquiet quitting friendships\u201d \u2013 passively ending friendships by putting in minimum effort \u2013 and our preference for \u201clow maintenance friendships\u201d.  We\u2019re experts at ignoring each other, blanking texts or declining to meet up and dressing it up as \u2018self care\u2019. If War Babies are the Silent Generation, then Gen Z must be the Radio Silent Generation.\u2019<\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n

Do you have a story you\u2019d like to share? Get in touch by emailing Claie.Wilson@metro.co.uk<\/a>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Share your views in the comments below.<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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